Why is it that I can only find the books I want in...
Maybe I should trade her my nook for her kindle.
Twilight Books Summary
— Book 1. Twilight:
Bella: OMG, I'm so silly. And horny.
Edward: Yes. I'm dangerous. I sparkle.
Bella: OMG you're a vampire!
Edward: Yes. Let's go play baseball.
James: I like your girl, Edward. Gotta eat her.
James: Omnomnom Bella.
Bella: OMG I'm screaming in agony! Yes, I will be a vampire!
Edward: I'm gonna kill you, James! I'm gonna suck Bella as well. LOLJK you're not a vamp.
Jacob: Oh, hi there!
— Book 2. New Moon:
Edward: Oops, gotta go.
Bella: OMG don't leave me! OMG I'm so depressed and dying in agony again.
Jacob: Oh hi there! I'm a semi-naked shape-shifter! (I mean, a werewolf!)
Bella: OMG I don't miss Edward anymore, I love you Jake!
Alice: Edward is gonna kill himself!
Bella: OMG no! BRB Jake, you're not important anymore.
Edward: I'm going to do the worst ever. I will sparkle Italians to death.
Volturi: You suck.
Bella: OMG leave him alone!
Volturi: OK, leave now bitches.
Jacob: I love you, Bella.
Bella: OMG I love Edward more, bye!
— Book 3. Eclipse:
Victoria: I'm back, bitch! I'ma cut you!
Bella: OMG no!
Edward: I'ma protect you, dinner! (I mean, Bella)
Jacob: I want to kill her too!
Riley: I will kill you!
Bella: OMG I'm frozen!
Edward: Shit I'm so cold and can't get you hot.
Jacob: Move on bitch, I will warm this whore.
Victoria: You missed me bitches?
Edward: I killed James, you twat! Now you're dead!
Bella: OMG kiss me Jake! Kay, gotta go I'm marrying Edward.
— Book 4. Breaking Dawn:
Edward: I don't want to fuck you, Bella. Marry me first.
Bella: OMG shit, okay.
Jacob: My heart is broken!
Bella: OMG and so is my water! I've been prego for 3 days and now my baby is ready to go!
Edward: Oh no, a monster!
Renesmee: I'ma kill you, mom :3
Volturi: We're gonna kill that bitch, she's a monster.
Bella: OMG finally I'm a vampire! I'ma protect ma man and ma family and some other random bitches.
Volturi: Fine, you won.
Jacob: Bella I never loved you. I wanna fuck your daughter.
Alright, back I go to studying for my final
The entire synopsis of Breaking Dawn Pt 1...
everything is so awkward and forced
they are taking turns eyeing the bed
they are going skinny dipping
I think the presex montage just happened
she like...shaved her legs and shit
who doesn't do that before they leave for their honeymoon?!
we are halfway through this film and NOTHING HAS HAPPENED
they got married and had sex
literally not a thing else
they're now playing chess
she keeps trying to seduce him and he's laughing at her WORST MARRIAGE
oooh playing chess again!
they just had a montage of their honeymoon and all that happened is thye played a lot of chess, she tried to fuck him and he ran away
oh god she's begging now
this is honestly awkward softcore porn
and now she's vomiting into the toilet
nothing happens in this god
it's just a bunch of shitty subplots
the wolves are so shit
THIS IS SO BAD
weird ass telepathic wolf pow wow shit
I don't even know what's going on
THE FETUS ISN'T COMPATIBLE
I'm really glad that in Twilight world, they make skinny jeans that fit over evil fetus baby bumps
oh god Bella's drinking blood
I'm taking a shot
the cup says FREE REFILLS ON IT
Bella just chose "renesmee" for the baby's name and this child will be beat up for the rest of it's life
OH MY GOD SHE IS GIVING BIRTH WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK
"GET HIM OUT OF ME"
loads of screaming and flashing and she looks like a skeleton
aaaand Edward ripped open her stomach with his mouth
the baby is a bloody mess and they just called it beautiful. I mean, I don't really do babies, but like...I'm pretty sure that just looks like meat
there is just blood everywhere and edward just stabbed her in the heart with his venom and what the HELL
Bella seems to have died, but Edward is just biting her everywhere and OH HOLY GOD IT'S SCIENCE
HER BLOOD IS FREEZING
the worst thing? Kristen Stewart's face hasn't changed.
she just gave birth and then died
without a flicker of emotion
Jacob has just seen the baby and he's in lo0o0o0ove
this is the creepiest scene ever
he just fell to his knees in front of a baby
I just want to be a fly on the wall during this filming
uh oh vampire v wolf death match
oh jk rules and shit
wolf can't harm future lovers of other wolves
so much for bros before hoes, shit
meanwhile, Bella is serving her purpose well. laying on a table with the occasional SCIENCE into her body
she's becoming a vampire, which apparently includes permanent eyeshadow. so, that makes life easier.
you know how on tumblr, they have those picture sequences where it slowly gets closer to someones face?
that was just an actual shot in Breaking Dawn
jacob, Jacob, JACOB
AND THEN HAWT VAMPY BELLA OPENED HER EYES WITH MIRACULOUSLY NEWLY LONG EYELASHES AND THE FILM ENDED
I require the last two hours of my life back
who do I go for for that
I know what I want for Christmas:
kelsthericeball: kelseysnap: fundamentallyfascinating: Doctor Who Cell Phone Alert Charms Spins and lights up when you get a call Works even when on silent TARDIS, Dalek, and Cybermen versions available Gimme gimme gimme!!! Oh hey it’s the ReTARDIS, Sir Dan!
eatyourkimchi: Best new way to sweep: MANLY STYLE. FYI, the song is from here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCYOTV92rpE
iamsirdan replied to your photo: Came home to Christmas :D (Taken with instagram) One of the boxes isn’t smiling, though. D: I know. I tried to turn it around but that box didn’t have one. :(
psychusa: William Shatner in an ALL NEW Psych this Wednesday! …smooth.
1 year Tumblrversary
One year ago today I made my tumblr, with absolutely no idea what the hell I was doing. Within a year i’ve gained 1 addiction, 75 blogs to follow, 126 followers (Which I still don’t know what they are doing following me), 136 likes, made 496 gifs, 3621 posts, reblogs and rants; and countless new fandoms to belong to. Here’s to many more years of nonsense to reblog
I feel so sorry for those in my generation who...
purekliaination: takeakurtsie: carsonchriss: ...
iamsirdan: squishietechie: nevillelongbadass: themischief: ^^This